we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
