im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
