My friends, they love my intelligence
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
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There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
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Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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