Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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