my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
