Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
