why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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