dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
