So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
