Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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