Me. At least after what I've been through.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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