So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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