Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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