K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
