I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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