I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
