Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
