I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
