That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
