covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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