Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
