Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize