I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just gift wrapped bread.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
