Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
