I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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