cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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