I'm so fucking centered right now
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
