dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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