I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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