wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I didn't notice because vodka
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
