Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
