Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
