Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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