sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
