First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
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