i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
