Are we in a gay sports bar?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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