it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
