well you can't waste a boner
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
