she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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