something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
