Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
