I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
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This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
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In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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