can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
