Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
