Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
