i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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