So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
