"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
