If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
