I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
