Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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