Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
