You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
