You just made me feel so damn special
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
