I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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