I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
