I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
