My girlfriend figured out who you are.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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