im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
