Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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