i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You dont lie about slip and slides
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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