No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
