His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
