So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
