It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
