What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
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School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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