LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
we should paint friendship bongs
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
