So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
