I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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