You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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