I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
