You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
