Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
