those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
