So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
