yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
