She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
