someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think your dad took our porno
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
my poor anus
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
