i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
