I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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