yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
