Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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