What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
