just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
