I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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