The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
bring money and cleavage
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
